Revelations

It’s always interesting in the late Winter and early Spring when the first snow melts are witnessed.  So much of our sins are hidden away by the snow and are revealed on masse with the first melts.  Many cultures revere this time as one of rebirth, but I look at it as a time of revelation.  Confessed in harsh brutal truth are the empty chip bags, lost receipts, cigarette cartons, paper mugs in Christmas designs, old notes, fast-food chain toys, mounds and mounds of dog pooh that had been kicked under the snow, old used condoms and discarded clothes.  It says a lot about who we are and our vices.  They can only be hidden for so long.  Sooner or later everything that is wrong about ourselves becomes revealed, often uncontrollably and we are forced to deal with it and clean up the mess.

I have had my own spring thaw during the last few months.  The revelation of a lot of personal things that I had been in denial about but which I could no longer ignore.  I have been in the throes of some soul crushing heartbreak and self-pity which I dealt with by burying myself in my work, my children, bad TV and even worse books.   Running and running on my treadmill.  I should have been walking.  It’s not to say that I wasn’t entirely on my feet.  Of course I kept up the dog walking.  There was one night spent wandering my neighbourhood in my pyjamas in the wee hours of the morning.  But there has been very little enjoyment in my walks the past few months and a whole lot of stumbling about, a little lost, dazed and confused.  But it’s Spring and time to set things right, clean up my own little mess and walk on.